A few weeks ago, I had to stop a team meeting mid-way through. Two managers, both good at what they do, were yelling at each other across the table. The rest of the team sat silently, eyes down, tension thick in the air. It was uncomfortable, unprofessional, and deeply damaging.
Afterwards, I spoke with several team members. They weren’t surprised it happened, they were disappointed it had been allowed to happen. Everyone had seen the signs. The tension, the snide remarks, the rising frustration. But each time, the behaviour was tolerated, brushed off, or given “one more chance.”
The truth is, by the time a situation escalates like that, the problem isn’t the conflict, it’s the avoidance that came before it. So, how do you stop it from reaching that point?
Don’t mistake kindness for avoidance
Leaders often hold back from addressing issues because they want to be kind, fair, or give people another opportunity to improve. But when that ‘kindness’ leads to avoidance, it sends a clear message to everyone else: standards are negotiable. Addressing behaviour early isn’t harsh, it’s respectful. It protects both the individual and the team from further harm.
Step in early and stay factual
When you start to see tension building, step in before it becomes a blow-up. Speak privately and focus on what you’ve observed, not what you’ve heard.
“I have noticed a few meetings have become tense lately, and I want to check in before this escalates. What’s going on from your perspective?”
It’s not about blame; it’s about surfacing issues early enough that they can be resolved constructively.
Reset expectations clearly
If you allow ongoing conflict or disrespectful behaviour, your silence becomes permission. Revisit behavioural expectations openly with your leaders and teams. Clarify how you expect issues to be handled respectfully, promptly, and without disruption to others. When expectations are reset clearly, most people will correct themselves. Those who don’t, won’t have anywhere to hide behind excuses later.
Provide support, but with structure
Sometimes conflict comes from overwhelm, unclear roles, or pressure. Offer support, but make sure it’s structured and time-bound.
“Let’s agree on the next two weeks to reset communication and rebuild trust. If we don’t see improvement, we’ll need to look at next steps.”
This balances empathy with accountability.
Protect the culture, not just the people
It’s natural to want to avoid confrontation. But every time you let poor behaviour slide, the rest of the team pays the price. You’re not just managing two people in conflict – you’re managing how everyone else feels about working there. Leaders protect culture by stepping in early, communicating clearly, and modelling the behaviour they expect from others.
The reality
Conflict in teams isn’t the enemy, silence is. Handled early and fairly, conflict can actually build trust, strengthen relationships, and clarify expectations. But when ignored, it spreads and culture is always the first casualty. If you find yourself thinking, “I’ll just give it another week and see,” that’s usually your cue to act, not to wait.
Christine Howitz – Director
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